Things I will change

1. Cars will not be allowed to be registered in the United States that have headlights that turn on automatically while their tail lights remain off. Also, all cars will have a built in timer that will disengage the turn signals when the car is in motion and the indicator has been on for more than 10 seconds. Merge if you’re gonna or get back in line.

2. All drivers over will have to retake a road test at age 65 and 70 and then every two years after that. Failure of this test will require a six month suspension of their drivers license before they are allowed to retake the test. Failure four times in a row will result in a permanent revocation of all driving privileges for the rest of the driver's life.

3. Any person with more than two leaders between them and the head of their department will receive free health care for the stress that reporting to that many people cause. It is ridiculous that someone should have to report to a 'team leader' and a 'supervisor' and a 'manager' and a 'senior manager' and a 'director' before getting to the 'senior director' (who also reports to three or four levels before he gets to the President).

4. Marijuana will be legalized and carry a tax of 600%. This tax will subsidize the gas tax to make fuel more affordable to those who choose not to smoke pot, but do have to drive to get to work. Those who smoke pot will be fine because the price will remain ultimately the same as it is on the black market, but since the government will legalize it, getting the marijuana will be much easier and much more plentiful. Those who wish to sell it may still do so, but would be required to carry a current license similar to a liquor license. This license fee would also increase state and federal revenues and help offset the need for other taxes. DUI laws would remain as they are.

5. Traffic violations involving inattentive driving will prosecuted aggressively. Accidents caused while texting or talking on the phone would be prosecuted as a DUI in all states. A new fine will be imposed for DWS (Driving While Stupid). Accidents caused by morons who don’t know how to read traffic signs indicating their lane is ending, do not signal, or are just to stupid to operate a motor vehicle will be fined no less than $1500 and a mandatory 6 months suspension of their license. The money gathered from these fines will go to upgrades in a new federal public transit system which will replace all current busses, trains, and trolleys. States who fail to issue violations in these situations will lose federal funding of roads and highways in their state. People will take the task of operating several thousand pounds of machinery more seriously or they will pay the price.

6. Immigration laws will be strictly enforced. All state police officers will be deputized as immigration officers. Individuals who cross our borders without proper paperwork will be put in federal work camps manufacturing the cheap souvenirs that we have traditionally bought from Asia and Central America. They will serve five years in the work camp and then they will be deported to Western Africa regardless of their original country of origin. The Indigent Deported Immigrants Of The States (IDIOTS will be tattooed on their forearms to identify them as border violators) will be transported by ship to their new home. Anyone found assisting IDIOTS to return to the US will be shot in the hands and put on the ship with the deported IDIOTS.

7. A new tax for professional athletes will be put into effect. A 50% income tax for players on teams who do not make the finals will be strictly enforced by the IRS. This revenue will go directly to the education budget to be allocated strictly for school arts programs (music, drama, art, etc). Second place team players in any sport championship will also be placed in the 50% tax bracket.

8. There will be stricter punishments for serious crimes such as serial murder, child abuse, and fraud. Upon conviction they may choose whether they have their feet amputated or their hands. They may also choose which eye will be gouged out. Repeat offenders will be dragged behind the boat with the IDIOTS on it. Survivors are welcome to make a new life in Western Africa.

9. Someone receiving the death penalty in any state will simply be taken from the court room and shot in the head. No more of this living on death row for 30 years business. Survivors of the gunshot to the head will be sent to Africa with the IDIOTS.

10. The Constitution will not be modified where it says “all men are created equal”. People who bitch about anything at all are welcome to get on the boat with the IDIOTS. Bitching is not allowed. There will be no special laws made for blacks, gays, women, men, elderly, young, rich, poor, or anybody else. The law will apply to everybody equally.

11. Nissans will no longer be allowed to be imported and it will be illegal to drive or own one. All Nissans will be transported to Western Africa for the IDIOTS to drive. Current owners of Nissans will be given a new Government Motors vehicle in exchange for their piece of shit Nissan. People who would rather die than give up their precious Nissans will be obliged.

12. All members of the Electoral College will live tax free which will be retroactive to the year 2010. Taxes paid between 2010 and 2012 will be repaid by 2016.