Presidential SWAG on the way!

I just ordered my business cards and a few other pieces of promotion from VistaPrint.com. I love that site. In fact, when I am president I will make them the official supplier of all government business cards and government branded merchandise. Here are some images of what I have on the way.

This one is my business card that I'll be dropping all over the world. I got 500 of them for $1.99. You can't beat that!! I got them through a special offer that goes through February 19th. CLICK HERE if you want to get the same deal.

This big patriotic looking thing is a car magnet. I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do with it. It doesn't really have much information on it, but I liked the way it looked, so maybe I'll just stick it on the fridge in my office to remind my co-workers that they need to be nice to me. ;) It was one of the free items through VistaPrint.com, so worst case scenario is that I'm out a couple bucks for shipping even if I don't use it. Hopefully nobody else named Anthony is running for President in 2012 or else this one could backfire on me. Since I can't remember an election in the past thirty or forty years where there has been an Anthony in the running, I think I'm pretty safe. We'll see.

This last item is the shirt. :) I like the way this one turned out. It was free too, so I really can't complain. All told my order only cost me about ten bucks for shipping and the $1.99 cards combined. I'm looking forward to seeing this order arrive.

My campaign slogan is going to be around the idea that we voted for 'Change' in 2008 and boy did we get it. Now it is time for a full refund. Since the world is going to end in December of 2012, I think we'll get all the change we can handle. The last thing we'll need is more of it with the new President. That is why a write-in vote for Anthony is the best way to go. I know I can count on your votes!!

Comments regarding IDIOTS

I have received some fire from the press regarding my proposed policy regarding IDIOTS (see rule 6 in my Things I Will Change post). I should clarify some things about this policy that will make perfect sense to the people with brains. Those without brains are already in office somewhere and are exactly the reason such drastic measures need to be taken. If they had brains then they would have started enforcing our immigration laws sooner.

Have you ever had the thought that you would love to have someone hit your car so you could get a new paint job, but then had the thought that the person who hits you may not have insurance? I know I have. Let me tell you an even worse thought. Imagine being hit by someone driving a vehicle with expired plates, no insurance, and without a driver's license because they are in the country illegally. Imagine what happens then. There was an incident in my hometown when I was growing up where something just like that happened. An illegal immigrant was driving down the highway and swerved to the shoulder and caught one of my schoolmates between his car with a flat tire and the alien's truck. Both his legs were terribly broken and he could have been killed. My other friend who had pulled over to help change the tire was also badly injured in this accident. Who paid for it? Certainly not the immigrant. This happens all the time and needs to stop.

The press has asked me what happens to our economy when all these illegal aliens from Canada, Central America, Europe, and Australia are suddenly taken out of the work force? Will we find American's who will take that $5/hr job to continue to produce low priced products? Who will work at Wal-Mart now? Who will work the fields now? Let me answer that question with another question. What is the unemployment rate in the US right now? 9%? 10%? Currently it is 10.6%. All of those people would now have jobs because everybody would be hiring. So what if prices have to raise up a little? The quality of the product will improve as well, so I'll spend less of my money buying replacements every time the cheap crap breaks.

The other thing this will do is promote online shopping. If the product is too expensive in the US because we no longer have illegal immigrant workers selling it to us, then let's just move the store to whatever country they are from and we'll just order it online. They can still work for $5 bucks an hour, but they'll just have to do it in their own country. I don't know about you, but I don't want my kids to have to grow up trying to learn to speak Canadian AND Australian at the same time they are trying to learn American. It is just not necessary.

So let's talk about my plan to deport all of the IDIOTS to Western Africa. Africa is an interesting continent. It has so much land it isn't even funny. It also has a lot of people who know how to live on absolutely nothing. I think we should take the ambitious border crossers and have them share what they know with the people of Africa. Show them how to plant fields, work at Wal-Mart, build stuff, stand around outside Home Depots looking for work, and driving around drunk in uninsured vehicles smashing into tax paying Americans. Well, there probably won't be many tax paying Americans on the roads down there, but I'm sure they can find something to hit. This will be a huge boost for Africa. Millions of Americans already talk about what a great place it is to be from, so it can't be that bad.

What could possibly go wrong with this plan? Sure it will be rough for a couple months while law enforcement asks for papers from every resident in the United States, but that will pass. Sure honest immigrants with legal documents may feel like they are being targeted just because of the color of their skin or their accent, but as honest citizens of the United States they must understand that the illegal immigration to this country is affecting us all and drastic measures must be taken.

As a reward for those who have honestly and legally entered this country, a $2000 tax rebate will be applied to their tax returns in 2014 for the previous year. This money will be paid out from the funds generated from a program not yet explained. In short, there will be a process to become a legal citizen of the United States, but it will be a costly one. More details of that program will be released soon.

So all we need to do know is decide if it is really wise to be trying to poke holes in my immigration plan. What do you have to gain by pushing back on this? Are you harboring illegal aliens? Do you fear being shot in the hands and sent to Western Africa? Well, fear the being shot in the hands, but look forward to the trip to beautiful Africa. The only people who could possibly be opposed to this plan are people who are either harboring illegal aliens, are illegal themselves, or are benefiting from the labors of illegal aliens. All three of those classes have good reason to dislike this policy, but there will be ways around it for those with the financial means to do so. Stay tuned for that.

Now let's get back to reporting important things. CNN, if you are reading this, please do not call me asking for clarification on this program. The same goes for MSNBC and any other news station who feels the need to hound me for details. This should satisfy you and your readers, so be grateful for what you have.

Today's Search Engine Food

It is important to feed your search engines to keep them happy, so here is today's search engine food.

Today while shopping for dockers free pants for my girl friend brook hundley I found out the Saints won the SuperBowl. I'm not really much of a fan of football, but the Indianapolis Star said the Saints Parade at the Detroit Metro Airport would be something covered on a betty white commercial. Meanwhile, Seanna Mitchell at ctic had something to do with a steve phillips thing with the boy scouts of America. Does that make any sense? What is a times picayune anyway? And did anyone see the e trade superbowl commercial? Go check out the top 10 superbowl commercials and see what you think.

Today's search engine food was brought to you by the Google Hot Trends page. See you tomorrow!

Get To Know Anthony

The Mayan calendar predicts the end of the world on December 21, 2012. The November election will be one of the last things we do as citizens of the country we know and love. The person you elect to be President of the United States will have the task of putting civilization back together. What better time to start over? I’m not asking for a vote because I’m an awesome political genius or anything like that. I’m doing it because I’m good at cleaning things up.

So let’s take a moment to get to know your write-in candidate. Here is the transcript from a recent interview. You may have seen this interview on CNN and MSNBC, but they would have been airing it illegally without permission, so let me know if you saw it. In fact, if you find a transcript or video of this interview anywhere other than this site, let me know.

Interviewer: Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to meet with me.

Anthony: No problem. I always like to take time for the Press.

Int: The public would like to know a little more about you. You are not even currently eligible to be President of the United States, so why are you even starting your campaign?

Ant: Show me where it says you have to be 35 to run for President. Article II, Section 1 of the US Constitution states that you have to be a natural born citizen of the United States, be a 14 year resident within the United States, and be 35 years old. It doesn’t say anything about needing to have met the age requirement at any time prior to the election day.

Int: So you will have met all of the requirements prior to the day of election?

Ant: What did I just say? Yes I’ll have met the requirements. I was born on April 1, 1976 in Pocatello, Idaho. I’ve never lived outside the country for more than a week at a time for vacation. I’ve always been a resident of the USA. In fact, I’ve only claimed residency in three states. Idaho, Texas, and Utah. My whole life is an open book for anyone who wants the info. I’ll make no effort to block or cover up any part of my past. And I can produce real documents proving everything I just said.

Int: What are you saying? Is that in reference to allegations that our current President isn’t a natural born citizen?

Ant: That sounds vaguely like you are trying to bait me into a political argument. Look, I don’t care what the current President has done to become President. All I know is that he has set a precedent for what the American people expect and will tolerate from government. At this point you can literally imagine a worst case scenario for what would happen if I really screwed the pooch and it pales in comparison to what past administrations have done.

Int: So let’s talk about your past, since it is an open book. Any skeletons in your closets?

Ant: Nope.

Int: So would it surprise you to find out that I have your ‘Permanent Record’ in front of me?

Ant: My what…? You mean that thing is real? I always thought it was something teachers just threatened you with to get you to jump through hoops like a trained monkey.

Int: Oh, no. It is very real. It says here that you were planning world domination at an age as young as 15. Is that true?

Ant: Who hasn’t dreamed about world domination? It is the American Dream, really. If the country could sort out its financial problems then we would be back in contention of capturing that dream too.

Int: So, it doesn’t concern you that people might think you are some kind of tyrant bent on world domination?

Ant: Well, other than the tyrant part, the rest is true. The world is going to be in ruins shortly after the election. If the world ends in December of 2012 as the Mayans predicted, then having a tyrant at the helm really is going to be the least of our concerns. Obtaining stable land and rebuilding our government will be the priority of my administration at first. We’ll focus on world domination in the second half of my term or possibly in my second term.

Int: You are already planning on being reelected? Isn’t that a little premature?

Ant: You would rather your President be so short sighted that he assumes he will screw up sufficiently that nobody would reelect him? I fully intend on running such a successful presidency that the public will demand the Constitution be amended to allow for a third and fourth term. In fact, it is entirely possible that once world domination is achieved and we have to merge all governments into one that terms won’t even exist anymore. I’ll remain in power by the good graces of the public. Through the miracle of medical science and nanotechnology I could remain in office forever. World domination is only the beginning. Once we have this planet under control then we’ll branch out and secure galactic domination.

Int: Seriously? Ok, come back to Earth now. We are talking about someone who isn’t even eligible to be the President at the current time and you are already talking about living forever and taking over the galaxy? You have watched way too much TV.

Ant: I can see that somebody doesn’t want a position in my regime. That’s ok. There are lots of people who will.

Int: Are your eyes… glowing?

Ant: Do you see this?

Int: Is that… how did you… what are…

Ant: Do you understand now?

Int: I see… Well, now that I know how you are going to accomplish the first phase of your plan, I can understand your confidence in the rest. That is really quite amazing. I didn’t think something like that existed.

Ant: So, moving on… or are we done?

Int: I think we are done for now. I’d really like to continue this later though.

Ant: Of course. Anything for the Press.

Things I will change

1. Cars will not be allowed to be registered in the United States that have headlights that turn on automatically while their tail lights remain off. Also, all cars will have a built in timer that will disengage the turn signals when the car is in motion and the indicator has been on for more than 10 seconds. Merge if you’re gonna or get back in line.

2. All drivers over will have to retake a road test at age 65 and 70 and then every two years after that. Failure of this test will require a six month suspension of their drivers license before they are allowed to retake the test. Failure four times in a row will result in a permanent revocation of all driving privileges for the rest of the driver's life.

3. Any person with more than two leaders between them and the head of their department will receive free health care for the stress that reporting to that many people cause. It is ridiculous that someone should have to report to a 'team leader' and a 'supervisor' and a 'manager' and a 'senior manager' and a 'director' before getting to the 'senior director' (who also reports to three or four levels before he gets to the President).

4. Marijuana will be legalized and carry a tax of 600%. This tax will subsidize the gas tax to make fuel more affordable to those who choose not to smoke pot, but do have to drive to get to work. Those who smoke pot will be fine because the price will remain ultimately the same as it is on the black market, but since the government will legalize it, getting the marijuana will be much easier and much more plentiful. Those who wish to sell it may still do so, but would be required to carry a current license similar to a liquor license. This license fee would also increase state and federal revenues and help offset the need for other taxes. DUI laws would remain as they are.

5. Traffic violations involving inattentive driving will prosecuted aggressively. Accidents caused while texting or talking on the phone would be prosecuted as a DUI in all states. A new fine will be imposed for DWS (Driving While Stupid). Accidents caused by morons who don’t know how to read traffic signs indicating their lane is ending, do not signal, or are just to stupid to operate a motor vehicle will be fined no less than $1500 and a mandatory 6 months suspension of their license. The money gathered from these fines will go to upgrades in a new federal public transit system which will replace all current busses, trains, and trolleys. States who fail to issue violations in these situations will lose federal funding of roads and highways in their state. People will take the task of operating several thousand pounds of machinery more seriously or they will pay the price.

6. Immigration laws will be strictly enforced. All state police officers will be deputized as immigration officers. Individuals who cross our borders without proper paperwork will be put in federal work camps manufacturing the cheap souvenirs that we have traditionally bought from Asia and Central America. They will serve five years in the work camp and then they will be deported to Western Africa regardless of their original country of origin. The Indigent Deported Immigrants Of The States (IDIOTS will be tattooed on their forearms to identify them as border violators) will be transported by ship to their new home. Anyone found assisting IDIOTS to return to the US will be shot in the hands and put on the ship with the deported IDIOTS.

7. A new tax for professional athletes will be put into effect. A 50% income tax for players on teams who do not make the finals will be strictly enforced by the IRS. This revenue will go directly to the education budget to be allocated strictly for school arts programs (music, drama, art, etc). Second place team players in any sport championship will also be placed in the 50% tax bracket.

8. There will be stricter punishments for serious crimes such as serial murder, child abuse, and fraud. Upon conviction they may choose whether they have their feet amputated or their hands. They may also choose which eye will be gouged out. Repeat offenders will be dragged behind the boat with the IDIOTS on it. Survivors are welcome to make a new life in Western Africa.

9. Someone receiving the death penalty in any state will simply be taken from the court room and shot in the head. No more of this living on death row for 30 years business. Survivors of the gunshot to the head will be sent to Africa with the IDIOTS.

10. The Constitution will not be modified where it says “all men are created equal”. People who bitch about anything at all are welcome to get on the boat with the IDIOTS. Bitching is not allowed. There will be no special laws made for blacks, gays, women, men, elderly, young, rich, poor, or anybody else. The law will apply to everybody equally.

11. Nissans will no longer be allowed to be imported and it will be illegal to drive or own one. All Nissans will be transported to Western Africa for the IDIOTS to drive. Current owners of Nissans will be given a new Government Motors vehicle in exchange for their piece of shit Nissan. People who would rather die than give up their precious Nissans will be obliged.

12. All members of the Electoral College will live tax free which will be retroactive to the year 2010. Taxes paid between 2010 and 2012 will be repaid by 2016.