Comments regarding IDIOTS

I have received some fire from the press regarding my proposed policy regarding IDIOTS (see rule 6 in my Things I Will Change post). I should clarify some things about this policy that will make perfect sense to the people with brains. Those without brains are already in office somewhere and are exactly the reason such drastic measures need to be taken. If they had brains then they would have started enforcing our immigration laws sooner.

Have you ever had the thought that you would love to have someone hit your car so you could get a new paint job, but then had the thought that the person who hits you may not have insurance? I know I have. Let me tell you an even worse thought. Imagine being hit by someone driving a vehicle with expired plates, no insurance, and without a driver's license because they are in the country illegally. Imagine what happens then. There was an incident in my hometown when I was growing up where something just like that happened. An illegal immigrant was driving down the highway and swerved to the shoulder and caught one of my schoolmates between his car with a flat tire and the alien's truck. Both his legs were terribly broken and he could have been killed. My other friend who had pulled over to help change the tire was also badly injured in this accident. Who paid for it? Certainly not the immigrant. This happens all the time and needs to stop.

The press has asked me what happens to our economy when all these illegal aliens from Canada, Central America, Europe, and Australia are suddenly taken out of the work force? Will we find American's who will take that $5/hr job to continue to produce low priced products? Who will work at Wal-Mart now? Who will work the fields now? Let me answer that question with another question. What is the unemployment rate in the US right now? 9%? 10%? Currently it is 10.6%. All of those people would now have jobs because everybody would be hiring. So what if prices have to raise up a little? The quality of the product will improve as well, so I'll spend less of my money buying replacements every time the cheap crap breaks.

The other thing this will do is promote online shopping. If the product is too expensive in the US because we no longer have illegal immigrant workers selling it to us, then let's just move the store to whatever country they are from and we'll just order it online. They can still work for $5 bucks an hour, but they'll just have to do it in their own country. I don't know about you, but I don't want my kids to have to grow up trying to learn to speak Canadian AND Australian at the same time they are trying to learn American. It is just not necessary.

So let's talk about my plan to deport all of the IDIOTS to Western Africa. Africa is an interesting continent. It has so much land it isn't even funny. It also has a lot of people who know how to live on absolutely nothing. I think we should take the ambitious border crossers and have them share what they know with the people of Africa. Show them how to plant fields, work at Wal-Mart, build stuff, stand around outside Home Depots looking for work, and driving around drunk in uninsured vehicles smashing into tax paying Americans. Well, there probably won't be many tax paying Americans on the roads down there, but I'm sure they can find something to hit. This will be a huge boost for Africa. Millions of Americans already talk about what a great place it is to be from, so it can't be that bad.

What could possibly go wrong with this plan? Sure it will be rough for a couple months while law enforcement asks for papers from every resident in the United States, but that will pass. Sure honest immigrants with legal documents may feel like they are being targeted just because of the color of their skin or their accent, but as honest citizens of the United States they must understand that the illegal immigration to this country is affecting us all and drastic measures must be taken.

As a reward for those who have honestly and legally entered this country, a $2000 tax rebate will be applied to their tax returns in 2014 for the previous year. This money will be paid out from the funds generated from a program not yet explained. In short, there will be a process to become a legal citizen of the United States, but it will be a costly one. More details of that program will be released soon.

So all we need to do know is decide if it is really wise to be trying to poke holes in my immigration plan. What do you have to gain by pushing back on this? Are you harboring illegal aliens? Do you fear being shot in the hands and sent to Western Africa? Well, fear the being shot in the hands, but look forward to the trip to beautiful Africa. The only people who could possibly be opposed to this plan are people who are either harboring illegal aliens, are illegal themselves, or are benefiting from the labors of illegal aliens. All three of those classes have good reason to dislike this policy, but there will be ways around it for those with the financial means to do so. Stay tuned for that.

Now let's get back to reporting important things. CNN, if you are reading this, please do not call me asking for clarification on this program. The same goes for MSNBC and any other news station who feels the need to hound me for details. This should satisfy you and your readers, so be grateful for what you have.